She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
