do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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