i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
