Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
