His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
