I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
