:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
