Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
