Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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