My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
