I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
