Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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