Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize