Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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