Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
