life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
