Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
