Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize