do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
