hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
