if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This girl is more easily done than said...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize