he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
