Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
