Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
