You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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