marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
