Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
