You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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