I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
