hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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