Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This toilet bowl is my home.
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