I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
