Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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