Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize