Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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