paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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