I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
