what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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