While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
