doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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