No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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