Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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