I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
