she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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