Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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