She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
