You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
