Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
