Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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