We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
