what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
