lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no you cant smoke seaweed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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