I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
