I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
