just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
