**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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