Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
