lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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