cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize