Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
