I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
