Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
