We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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