Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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