Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
