for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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