i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
