saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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