who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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