rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
