I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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