Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
