Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
