What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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