i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
