my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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