They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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