My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
