apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
