At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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