SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize