She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We are all done wearing pants today
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
