Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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