Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Say something about gay babies.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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