I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize