He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
