i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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