It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
