he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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