four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
