You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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