can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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