Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
