You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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