I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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