My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
