i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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