If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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