I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
