if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
