stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
